I must apologize for my lack of updating. Life has been hectic for me, to say the least. I am thankful for this sudden rush of activity though. It signifies a new chapter in my life that I have been awaiting since the beginning of the previous one. Once time allows it, I shall be updating more intensively about the going's-on of my life as of late. Until then, I leave you with some food for thought.
I have officially said my goodbyes to the vicious world of retail, and said hello to what may very well be the job of my dreams.
I closed the chapter to a year of strenuous therapy, and in turn, put the life of a "mental patient" behind me.
There were days I wished that I had the strength to give up; I was no longer searching for the strength to continue.
I find that planning tomorrow's events brings me the most joy. I can hardly stand the wait.
For the first time in years, I have established a stable living situation in which I can feel comfortable and happy.
Opportunities are arising for me at every new bend in the road, and instead of shying away from them, I have taken them on at full force.
At this moment in my life, I feel unstoppable. I could take on the world.
Several large and life-shaking changes have unearthed themselves. I choose to see them as positives, and room for growth, rather than let Fear rear its' ugly head and control my life.
My meaningful friends are growing closer to me, and my harmful ones are easier to let go. I am now able to make the distinction between the two, and not cling to everyone as if they were the wrecked remains of a sunken ship.
For the first time in my long years of depression, I can safely say that I am thoroughly happy.
I enjoy a challenge.
I have begun to push myself further than ever before.
And when life hands me lemons, you can best believe I will be making the sweetest lemonade of them.
This is my life, and I choose to live it.
Jul 6, 2010
May 19, 2010
New Beginnings.
It is time once again for me to stretch my fingers and contemplate today's entry.
I arrived at the library, mind full of ideas to uncork and spill into my new entry. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity for the elevator to come down to the first floor and pick me up, I made the steady climb to the tenth floor.
I love the reading room, I must admit. The architecture is fabulous, and I can get lost in the details all around me. I always feel as if I'm interrupting some important moment of silence as I step off the elevator and make my way past the Seattle Room. A silence hangs in the air, thick as honey. It's daunting, yet comforting at the same time.
I try my hardest to step gingerly down the walkway, though my shoes always manage to make more noise than they usually do. Once into the room itself, the floor changes from reused wood to some metal tiles. And try as you may to remain silent, your footsteps echo off the walls. People raise their heads and stare. I feel my cheeks flush, and continue to short walk, feeling as if it will never end.
Once I have braved the scattered seating and metal flooring, the real challenge awaits. Finding a spot to sit down and unpack. Sure, there are many places to sit at the numerous desks that fill the room, once again floored with recycled wood. The trick is finding a spot that also has access to an electrical outlet. I feel like I am invading the privacy of those who got here before me. I make my usual trek around the desks, eyeing not the people there, but the empty places, searching for that seat that can reach the outlets.
Found one. I only had to circle the room a good five times. /sarcasm. The quiet of the room makes it difficult to do my everyday tasks without feeling like someone turned up my volume output. My bag seems to wail as I unzip it. It sounds as if I have slammed my laptop onto the desk. The chair groans as I slide in closer. And then, the silence takes it's place once more.
I boot up my computer and begin my ritual. Checking Facebook, updating about how my boss probably doesn't like me (I should be at work right now, but she has canceled my shift once again). I skip checking my email, because I know my account has been disabled due to spammers. Instead, I reactivate it so I can get the information I need from it, and then forget about it entirely. I make myself a new email account. And then I click on my blog.
I had been blogging under "youpreciousthing" for nearly a year. Today, with my brain throbbing with material, I find that it too has been disabled. Spammers. I remember that it was connected to my old email address, and the pieces begin to fall into place.
Will I be defeated? Do I return home, head humming with what I long to write, but cannot?
Of course not. :)
So here I am. Falling Down and Falling in Love has been reborn from it's spammer ashes into the glorious phoenix that is Simple Little Beauty. Pardon the phoenix reference, I have them on the brain.
The rain outside is quite impressive. Whenever my mind slips off the subject and begins to wander, I find my eyes too are wandering; stealing glances at the sheet of Seattle rain cascading down the diamond-shaped windows. I am reminded of nights in Startup, letting the droning of the rain on the roof of my metal trailer lull me to sleep. It is comforting, although the thought of walking home in it with my laptop and new books is not.
Unfortunately, by this time, I have forgotten what I had intended to write all-together. But this entry itself will suffice.
I am back.
I arrived at the library, mind full of ideas to uncork and spill into my new entry. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity for the elevator to come down to the first floor and pick me up, I made the steady climb to the tenth floor.
I love the reading room, I must admit. The architecture is fabulous, and I can get lost in the details all around me. I always feel as if I'm interrupting some important moment of silence as I step off the elevator and make my way past the Seattle Room. A silence hangs in the air, thick as honey. It's daunting, yet comforting at the same time.
I try my hardest to step gingerly down the walkway, though my shoes always manage to make more noise than they usually do. Once into the room itself, the floor changes from reused wood to some metal tiles. And try as you may to remain silent, your footsteps echo off the walls. People raise their heads and stare. I feel my cheeks flush, and continue to short walk, feeling as if it will never end.
Once I have braved the scattered seating and metal flooring, the real challenge awaits. Finding a spot to sit down and unpack. Sure, there are many places to sit at the numerous desks that fill the room, once again floored with recycled wood. The trick is finding a spot that also has access to an electrical outlet. I feel like I am invading the privacy of those who got here before me. I make my usual trek around the desks, eyeing not the people there, but the empty places, searching for that seat that can reach the outlets.
Found one. I only had to circle the room a good five times. /sarcasm. The quiet of the room makes it difficult to do my everyday tasks without feeling like someone turned up my volume output. My bag seems to wail as I unzip it. It sounds as if I have slammed my laptop onto the desk. The chair groans as I slide in closer. And then, the silence takes it's place once more.
I boot up my computer and begin my ritual. Checking Facebook, updating about how my boss probably doesn't like me (I should be at work right now, but she has canceled my shift once again). I skip checking my email, because I know my account has been disabled due to spammers. Instead, I reactivate it so I can get the information I need from it, and then forget about it entirely. I make myself a new email account. And then I click on my blog.
I had been blogging under "youpreciousthing" for nearly a year. Today, with my brain throbbing with material, I find that it too has been disabled. Spammers. I remember that it was connected to my old email address, and the pieces begin to fall into place.
Will I be defeated? Do I return home, head humming with what I long to write, but cannot?
Of course not. :)
So here I am. Falling Down and Falling in Love has been reborn from it's spammer ashes into the glorious phoenix that is Simple Little Beauty. Pardon the phoenix reference, I have them on the brain.
The rain outside is quite impressive. Whenever my mind slips off the subject and begins to wander, I find my eyes too are wandering; stealing glances at the sheet of Seattle rain cascading down the diamond-shaped windows. I am reminded of nights in Startup, letting the droning of the rain on the roof of my metal trailer lull me to sleep. It is comforting, although the thought of walking home in it with my laptop and new books is not.
Unfortunately, by this time, I have forgotten what I had intended to write all-together. But this entry itself will suffice.
I am back.
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