In on an 'out' day.

Today, I would like to take a moment to share my feelings. It is National Coming Out Day, the sun is shining, straights and gays everywhere are rejoicing in their freedoms, and I am spending it unwillingly in bed. I blame Safeway and their Chinese food. Anyway...

I know how hard it can be for queer youth trying to fit in. I don't think I even need to discuss this any deeper, given poor Tyler Clementi's recent uprising in the news. There have been far too many brilliant minds twisted and tortured into believing suicide is the only way out of the pain they endure. My heart goes out to those families who are feeling such an irrevocable loss.

As cliche as it sounds, and no matter how many gay celebrities have worn it out; it does get better. I only wish I could have been able to reach out to some of these kids and tell them that before the damage had been done. Young people these days are undeniably cruel, and most of them fail to realize what their sick pleasures are doing to those they are hurting. My hope is that maybe, finally, people will open their eyes to the struggles these teens are going through and start doing something about it.

I myself have known I am a lesbian since I was thirteen years old. I can still remember walking through the mall with my mother and longing to own an "I like girls" shirt. She would tell me it was just a phase and that I needed to move on. Sure, it seems silly now, but back then it was a sign of who I was inside. The oppression gay teens feel is unbelievable. There was not a single day that I did not know I was a lesbian, yet I was unable to be who I truly was because others knew better than that. "I know you're not gay, Brittany. Trust me." It wasn't until the past few months, after nine years of being told I didn't know who I was or what I was saying, that I was able to openly claim my sexuality without others denying me of my feelings.

It is true that some teens go through 'a phase'. I will not deny that. It is also true that a lot of those 'phases' end because he/she has been intimidated back into the closet by society, and even worse, by their friends and family. As open and loving as Americans may preach they are, there is still much work to be done. The unspoken intimidation being passed down through the generations is almost harder to face than the open bullying and criticism. Those that we love and come to trust the most; parents, teachers, people of authority... they are the hardest to face when you are unsure of how they will accept your sexuality or your gender identity. I myself have tried for years to take a stand for who I know I am, and for years I was met with defiance. The only person who can tell you who you are is YOU.

Standing up for who you are is more important than being liked for being who you are not.

Don't deny yourself the freedom to be and love whomever you want.